Well, this week was a doozy! I'm not going to say Murphy's law was followed to the letter, but its spirit is definitely in force. Tea Rose, my dear eldest daughter, has been facing some of those tough emotional growing pains. She becomes very annoyed with her siblings (Kensie in particular) and when I interfere with her remonstrances she becomes defiant and honestly rebellious. I understand that this is the age where such things begin to happen, but it's a little hard to deal with. Honestly I'm so used to a girl who's happy and can't stop imagining ways to be helpful, it's very hard for me to accept a sullen, glowering face from her.
So I had a talk with her, maintaining my calm in the face of her anger. She said a lot of things, that she's never been happy, that she doesn't like helping me, that she doesn't think she's a Christian, that she doesn't think I love her or that anybody else does either. I calmly addressed all of these with my counterpoints: that I've seen how her eyes sparkle when she's being helpful or doing something she loves, there's no way she's never been happy, that she has too much of a heart for following Jesus to not be a Christian, and that I do love her very much and many other people do too. She finally cooled down a couple of hours later and came to talk with me. "I think what I said is why I'm being so miserable," she told me.
"You said a lot of things, dear, can you tell me which one you mean?" I asked.
"When I said I don't think you love me," she said. "When you discipline me it makes me think you don't love me."
Ah. This lie of the rebellious heart. We had a very good conversation about how the devil wants her to think that my discipline means I don't love her, when I actually discipline her because I love her. I told her that he wants her to be angry and rebellious when I try to correct her, instead of learning the lesson I'm trying to teach. For the next few days I saw a few instances, after I corrected her, when she went and pouted for a little while. She would then come to me and say, "The devil was trying to lie to me again." I'd praise her for recognizing what was going on and tell her how proud I was for not listening to those lies.
She's getting to that age now, when she's going to start questioning my motives and be predisposed to accusations of unfairness. I have to be extra vigilant to ensure that I am fair, maintain a consistent regimen, and have an extra measure of patience for the emotional storms to come. Please pray.
The other major breakdown has been my neck. I tried going a month without a chiropractor visit... that might work in the summer but it's not working now. I slept wrong on Monday night and was in bad pain Tuesday and Wednesday. My chiropractor appointment was going to be Monday so I thought I'd tough it out, but as of Thursday I was realizing that I don't want to manage my neck pain, I want it fixed, so I called and asked if my appointment could be moved closer. Well, the short answer is no. the long answer is that my chiropractor is in the hospital. They wouldn't tell me any details but the office is closed all next week, so I'm being careful of my neck for the foreseeable future. I can get my work done but not much extra, for fear of putting it in a debilitating spasm which, by past experience, I know could have me hobbling like a cripple for as long as a week. Please pray... For me and my chiropractor! I consider him a friend and really hope whatever's wrong isn't too serious and can be resolved before too long.
Beyond that, things have been stressful in general. Potty training is a pain, guys. Dilly is capable of finding her way to the potty when she needs to but for a couple days now has been choosing to remain comfortably seated on the couch or crouched over the furnace vent in the kitchen when the need arises. This is very trying for my patience. I've had to go back to periodically making her sit on the potty instead of trusting her growing self-governance to get her there, and if I lose track for a while, welp, that mess is going to be a pain to clean. The cow and calf are presenting headaches, she seems to be refusing to stand in a place where he can nurse from his tether, but he's such a pain that he has to be tied at all times for his own safety. She seems to have succeeded in at least partially drying herself off. I really hope I can get her production back up. Because of my carpal tunnel I'm incapable of milking her completely myself, or I would just finish weaning the calf and be done with his nonsense. This is really stressing me out, guys, I need milk in order to be happy. I was thinking about starting to try to milk her more so I could up my cheesemaking game, but at this rate I'll be lucky if I get enough for us to drink each day.
But as I said, Murphy's law isn't being followed perfectly. The horse has been pooping pretty regularly! I haven't had to give him mineral oil in about a week. We've started getting some eggs (including duck eggs--so exciting!), and most importantly, for the most part I've had the emotional stamina to handle it all. I can't say I never get stressed or want to run away from home, but for the most part I've had enough self control to handle what comes in a mature fashion and not break down weeping. (Operative phrase: "for the most part.") Bottom line: please pray.
So I had a talk with her, maintaining my calm in the face of her anger. She said a lot of things, that she's never been happy, that she doesn't like helping me, that she doesn't think she's a Christian, that she doesn't think I love her or that anybody else does either. I calmly addressed all of these with my counterpoints: that I've seen how her eyes sparkle when she's being helpful or doing something she loves, there's no way she's never been happy, that she has too much of a heart for following Jesus to not be a Christian, and that I do love her very much and many other people do too. She finally cooled down a couple of hours later and came to talk with me. "I think what I said is why I'm being so miserable," she told me.
"You said a lot of things, dear, can you tell me which one you mean?" I asked.
"When I said I don't think you love me," she said. "When you discipline me it makes me think you don't love me."
Ah. This lie of the rebellious heart. We had a very good conversation about how the devil wants her to think that my discipline means I don't love her, when I actually discipline her because I love her. I told her that he wants her to be angry and rebellious when I try to correct her, instead of learning the lesson I'm trying to teach. For the next few days I saw a few instances, after I corrected her, when she went and pouted for a little while. She would then come to me and say, "The devil was trying to lie to me again." I'd praise her for recognizing what was going on and tell her how proud I was for not listening to those lies.
She's getting to that age now, when she's going to start questioning my motives and be predisposed to accusations of unfairness. I have to be extra vigilant to ensure that I am fair, maintain a consistent regimen, and have an extra measure of patience for the emotional storms to come. Please pray.
The other major breakdown has been my neck. I tried going a month without a chiropractor visit... that might work in the summer but it's not working now. I slept wrong on Monday night and was in bad pain Tuesday and Wednesday. My chiropractor appointment was going to be Monday so I thought I'd tough it out, but as of Thursday I was realizing that I don't want to manage my neck pain, I want it fixed, so I called and asked if my appointment could be moved closer. Well, the short answer is no. the long answer is that my chiropractor is in the hospital. They wouldn't tell me any details but the office is closed all next week, so I'm being careful of my neck for the foreseeable future. I can get my work done but not much extra, for fear of putting it in a debilitating spasm which, by past experience, I know could have me hobbling like a cripple for as long as a week. Please pray... For me and my chiropractor! I consider him a friend and really hope whatever's wrong isn't too serious and can be resolved before too long.
Beyond that, things have been stressful in general. Potty training is a pain, guys. Dilly is capable of finding her way to the potty when she needs to but for a couple days now has been choosing to remain comfortably seated on the couch or crouched over the furnace vent in the kitchen when the need arises. This is very trying for my patience. I've had to go back to periodically making her sit on the potty instead of trusting her growing self-governance to get her there, and if I lose track for a while, welp, that mess is going to be a pain to clean. The cow and calf are presenting headaches, she seems to be refusing to stand in a place where he can nurse from his tether, but he's such a pain that he has to be tied at all times for his own safety. She seems to have succeeded in at least partially drying herself off. I really hope I can get her production back up. Because of my carpal tunnel I'm incapable of milking her completely myself, or I would just finish weaning the calf and be done with his nonsense. This is really stressing me out, guys, I need milk in order to be happy. I was thinking about starting to try to milk her more so I could up my cheesemaking game, but at this rate I'll be lucky if I get enough for us to drink each day.
But as I said, Murphy's law isn't being followed perfectly. The horse has been pooping pretty regularly! I haven't had to give him mineral oil in about a week. We've started getting some eggs (including duck eggs--so exciting!), and most importantly, for the most part I've had the emotional stamina to handle it all. I can't say I never get stressed or want to run away from home, but for the most part I've had enough self control to handle what comes in a mature fashion and not break down weeping. (Operative phrase: "for the most part.") Bottom line: please pray.
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